Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
