he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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