Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
