don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
