If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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