your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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