I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
