Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
