I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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