I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love black thongs
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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