last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
