i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
