I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
