me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
