We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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