I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
