I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize