Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize