Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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