I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
