so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
