Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize