I wish my penis had an off switch
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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