I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
