He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
