morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
