i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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