You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
