I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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