Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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