in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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