i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
