dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
