did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
