there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
