I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
