im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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