Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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