I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
