I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
