All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
