i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize