She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
