Soap is not a condiment
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
