I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's always time for handjobs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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