I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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