textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
