i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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