Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
