i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
