I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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