I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
