Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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