How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
