I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
