my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't turn off my feet"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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