We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Farmville is her only friend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
