Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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