I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
