singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
