I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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