I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
