I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
