Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
