its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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