Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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