There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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