Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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