i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
