Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
