Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am available for nakedness
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
