so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
