Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
