Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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