at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize