fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
