i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize