so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Floor bacon is actually really good
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