I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
