Christians are straight up FREAKS
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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