Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize