I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
