So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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