your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
