before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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