did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
