RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
