i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
