i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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