conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
