Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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