One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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