nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
