Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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