my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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