In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
