he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
