a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
