The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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