Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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