So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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